Friday, September 14, 2007

Brainlessness

The other day I was chatting with my sister and she said "Boys only get their brains after 30."

A few days later at work, I came across this quotation:
"...a second major phase of brain growth that parallels the hormonal changes at puberty and extends into the mid-twenties. This second spurt is especially prominent in the frontal lobes, an area associated with planning, reasoning, and impulse control. Until this occurs, adolescents are not yet capable of exercising these processes consistently. "
So she was literally correct about boys not getting their brains until they are 30. Of course, the same would hold true for girls... I now plan to use this excuse for any stupid decision I have made up until now in my life. If I'd known this, I would have listed "my frontal lobes weren't fully developed and thus my planning, reasoning and impulse control was not operational when I got married" on my divorce papers. I think it would hold up in court.

So, based on this scientific evidence, I'm now supposed to include "anyone under 30" on my list of "qualities which, if you possess them, will preclude my dating you" list. This list, which is growing rapidly, now includes1:
  • anyone named Dave (my ex) or Chris (my sister's ex)
  • the British
  • boys who still live with their moms
  • Surrey trash
  • pretty boys
  • anyone under the age of 30
I have a rather hard time with those last two though.

So, does anyone know any ugly old guys that I can date?

1but is not limited to. I swear there were way more things on this list when I was talking to my sister, but I can't remember what they were now.

10 comments:

Rebecca said...

So, how many Canucks does that exclude? :)

Beth said...

You raise an excellent point, Rebecca. Of course, most Canucks are excluded based on the fact that they are married or in a relationship (something I felt was self-evident, and thus need not be on my list). The vast majority of Canucks are pretty boys and/or under 30. I think the only one left is the long lost Sedin triplet. If he's single

Anonymous said...

Holy crap Beth I am laughing so hard at this one! I needed this on a Friday. Thanks! I actually know lots of old ugly single guys so let me know if ya want a hook up :P

Beth said...

Ewww! I can't date old ugly single guys!!! I just can't!! I don't care if almost every one of my friends recommends that I stay away from the younger ones and the pretty ones! Do you know any hot young single guys?

Tod Maffin said...

> "Boys only get their brains after 30."

And then some of us are still trying to find our brains! lol... :)

I can't believe you've not been snapped up yet -- you're beautiful!

Jorge said...

Me am have no brane.

Darren said...

I've had my brain for three years now, and it's been quite a burden. I miss my smaller, more useless frontal lobes.

I was pleased to see 'the British' on your list. I have a pet peeve about bloody foreign nationals coming to my country, swooping in with their 'puckas' and 'cuppateas' and stealing our women. I have three female friends who have been sucked in my British accents.

It's kind of like high school, when all the girls in your grade dated guys in grades above you. It was an indefensible position, really.

Beth said...

Tod - you're making me blush!

Jorge - You must! You are over 30! Who are you to call the scientists wrong??

Darren - ya! Damn them cuppateas, stealing all of our women! I won't have it!

JB said...

I am willing to go to the UK to take some hostages with my Canadian accent that we can use to get our Canadian girls back!

Beth said...

So selfless of you, JB, throwing yourself on the grenade like that!

Wait, wouldn't that violate the terms of the girlcott?