Monday, June 05, 2006

Welcome to Cougartown

I have recently been discussing with various people the correct definition of a cougar. This topic has come up in conversation for absolutely no reason at all, why do you ask?

A search of such illustrious sources as wikipedia and urban dictionary have revealed that there appears to be no consensus on what constitutes a cougar. Opinions I’ve heard expressed include:

  • you have to be at least 35 years old
  • you definitely have to be more than 40 years old
  • anyone over 30 can be a cougar
  • there’s no minimum age limit – it’s all about the age differential
  • age limits don’t count if you don’t look your age*
  • without the leopard print spandex and skin that’s been tanned so many times it looks like leather, you ain’t a cougar
  • you want to poke your friend’s son? That makes you a cougar – regardless of your age.

But then, when I was having dinner with my friend, Alicia, she informed me of “the formula for calculating if you are cougar.” She assures me that this formula has been scientifically validated:

( your age ÷ 2 ) + 7

For example, if you are, let’s say for a completely arbitrary example, 29 years old, then your minimum age limit would be:

( 29 ÷ 2 ) + 7 = 21.5... which you round up to 22

--> if go for a guy under 22, you are a cougar.

Discussing this formula with some other friends, I was informed by Kyle that there is a similar “hockey player formula”= ( your age ÷ 2 ) --> hockey players can go for anyone who is over half their age**.

So, I'm interested in your opinion: what, exactly, are the requirements of being a cougar?

*I may or may not have been the person expressing this opinion.
**And we all know what an avid hockey player I am. I’m just saying.

12 comments:

Courtney-O said...

Is my mother considered a cougar when she tries to date (and/or poke) my friends?

Yes.

Rebecca said...

A cougar is a woman slightly past her prime who tries to pick up younger men (maybe not half her age, but anywhere between 10-15+ years younger than her.) She doesn't have to be a specific age, she just has to look like she's trying too hard to look younger than she is.

Jorge said...

I would say a cougar would be over 35.

But that formula is pretty good.
Although, would a 100 year old woman dating a 57 year old man be considered a cougar?

Beth said...

"...she just has to look like she's trying too hard to look younger than she is"

uh oh... right now I have turquoise nail polish on... does that make me a cougar?

jody said...

cougar-ness is not about age, or fingernails, it is about the ability to be a predator.

As far as I know, you've not taken to lurking in dark corners and stalking man meat. Or to scratching out the competition with your manicured turquoise claws. So, no, Beth. You are not a cougar. Sorry. Call me when you start eating your meat raw.

okay, feminist rant on:
It pisses me off to no end that women even ask this question. Like there are two stages to a woman's life - your prime and then everything after, where you can only be compared to Bea Arthur's vagina. Stupid patriarchy.
:rant off

thinking about this - if we based it on their clothing, cougars would be called lepoards. Or lycras.

Beth said...

Leave it to Jody to bring some good common sense and feminism into the discussion. I appreciate the reassurances that I have not yet reached cougartown, and that I should not even be asking such a question... you are right... I mean, no one ever called Anna Nicole Smith's husband a cougar, did they?

Anonymous said...

Make no Mistake a "Leopard" is NOT a Cougar.
Cougars are sleek, graceful and skilled. True hunters and masters of their territory.

A Leopard is a Cougar... with liver spots.

She doesn't need animal print clothing because she is so old, her spot covered skin in fact resembles the actual animal.

These creatures typically live in Florida in 55+ communities, run in packs, nap during the day, and feed only at 4:30 in the afternoon.

Any Sunday brunch buffet is a perfect watering hole to watch these creatures gather and perform a social bonding ritual where they swap stories of sexual prowess before electricity was available.

They are often lured out into the open by the glow of a Pharmacy or by the sound of a penny slot machine.
Golden Leopards (the rarest of all she creatures) have scooters and or oxygen tanks to aid them in the pursuit of prey.
Yes you may have guessed correctly; Bea Arthur is currently the Alpha Female of the Golden Leopard Species.
Leopards also have another distinct trait that separates them from Cougars; most Cougars still have their own teeth.

Bill Perkins said...

The post by anonymous identifying and clraifying the lifestyles, rituals and behaviors of cougars was right on.
I have noticed many of this species are also migratory.
The Northern cougars typically begin their trek South the end of October. Many reside for the next 6 months in warmer climes such as Florida and Arizona.
During their migrations they are easily spotted along Americas highways by their silver or black european sedans with New York or New Jersey Tags.
These cougar transports typically travel 10 to fifteen miles under the posted speed limit and do not use directionals when changing lanes.

Molly said...

I guess that makes me a cougar? I'm 21 and my bf is 18. Heh.

On a limb with Claudia said...

Personally, I don't think men are interesting until they reach 35 years old. They are much more thoughtful, kind, have interesting things to say, and are real people. Before 35, they are just boys

Cougar Dating said...

I believe this is what a cougar is:
- age 40 or more
- likes under 25 men
- rarely she involves into a relationship with him
- great in bed; if she is not great in bed, she is just an older woman looking for sex, not a real cougar :D

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